Does "now" exist in your world?

Have you ever noticed that when you are super stressed or worried about something, that 'something' generally exists in either the past or the future? Have you ever wondered why you are told to focus on your breath during meditation? Did you ever wish you could slow time down a little and just enjoy being alive?

I personally have spent a considerable amount of time pondering these things, and I have learned something that sounds very simple, but which is having a profound impact on my life. It used to be that I would wake up each morning in a stressed out state, with everything I had to do already running through my brain before I even rolled out of bed. I would then proceed to rush through my day, trying to fit everything in, worrying about how much time I took doing A, B, and C because I still somehow had to work in X, Y, and Z. At the end of my day I would collapse into bed, exhausted and still stressed over the things I hadn't been able to get done, and I would fall asleep thinking about how I could fit those things in the next day. This would inevitably continue until the stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm finally won out, and I would have a mini nervous breakdown which generally consisted of staying up all night (sometimes several nights in a row, depending on the level of breakdown) playing computer games or watching movies, getting really depressed because I was such a big, fat failure, and wishing I could do things better. Eventually someone (usually my super awesome and amazing twin sister) would come to my aid, give me a pep talk that would motivate me to start digging myself out of the pit, and I would set some new goals for myself and then repeat the whole process. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this, but it's been the story of my life for longer than I care to remember, only the all-night movie marathons have been replaced by different things at different stages of my life (for example, I used to get really sick instead, which really sucked). This may come as a shock, but these were not the happiest, most successful years of my life, to say the least.

Now I am here to tell you, after riding that train for too many years, that there is a better way to do life. I have a quote hanging on one of my vision boards that goes as follows: "You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice" (Steven D. Woodhull). This year, I am trying another choice. I am choosing to live each day fully present, enjoying the moments as they pass. It hasn't been an overnight transition, and I am still figuring it out, but for now I begin each day with gratitude for my day and for my health, which helps me transition right into my daily exercise. I pray each morning that I will be able to move gracefully through the day, giving my time to those things that are most important, and then I do my best to do just that, without worrying about what isn't getting done or what I have to do.

Now, when I forget to be present, and I find myself spiraling down into that stress pit that I used to spend so much time in, I pull myself out by remembering that the past is in the past, the future is out of my reach (I leave it in God's hands), but the present is what I can influence right now. And by the way, that is what focusing on your breathing in meditation is all about. If you want to get better at living your life more fully present, start by spending a few minutes each day meditating--just focus on your breathing--and by catching yourself in your stressful thoughts, then come back to the present, and just enjoy the moment. Because life is all about the moments.