My voice has been gone for these last couple of days. It is amazing how powerless you feel when you can't talk.
Speaking of feeling powerless, you may remember that I mentioned in a recent blog post how I used to get sick all the time. We're talking seriously ill: off my feet, missing work, miserably ill, at least once a month. At that time I was very unhappy, working in a job I didn't feel fulfilled in, living far away from my family, eating a very poor diet (way too many sweets), and all my closest friends were getting married and moving on while I stayed right where I was--alone and depressed. So now that I have painted this lovely picture for you, is there any question as to why I was getting sick all the time? Didn't think so.
Fast forward five years to today. I am living near my family (most importantly my twin sister, who is only 10 minutes away, and my mom), I am eating a very healthy diet, and I am running my own business (with my sis) doing exactly what I want to be doing. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention, I am also, once again, getting sick constantly--we're talking every other week. What??!!! This doesn't make any sense! That time before, now that made sense. But this??? What in the world is going on?
Unfortunately, I don't have the answers yet, but I do believe it is somehow linked to my deep-seated fears. Fears of what, you ask? I don't really know for sure--fear of failure, fear of success, fear of getting hurt, fear of loneliness, fear of letting my clients down, all of the above? Maybe it has to do with all of these things plus some that I haven't even listed. What I do know is that I am letting myself get way too stressed out about things again, and I am not trusting in my God enough. I have not been living mindfully these past few weeks. Instead I have been worrying and losing sleep over deadlines and sundry administrative obligations, and the stress has grown exponentially in that time. And now, at this very moment, I am sicker than I have been in years--probably since the last time my body and I were playing the "always sick" game.
So what now? Even though I don't understand all that is going on with my body right now, there are still some things I can do to make the situation better right now. First of all, I have done some energy clearing with my sister, Denise Mason, who is an energy coach, and I can feel my energy and my mood--and my body--changing already. I am also getting back to trust, hope, and mindfulness. I am trusting in the Lord again, and remembering that He has always taken care of me, and that He will continue to do so as long as I am doing my best to stay close to Him. This gives me great hope! I am striving to be present and live mindfully, not letting the deadlines and worries of tomorrow rob me of today. It is time for me to set my fears and my stress and my worries aside and just take things one day at a time--again. Add to all this a healthy dose of gratitude, since I know that recognizing my blessings will always raise my energy and my joy.
Now, it may seem to you that I had this all figured out a month ago; it seems that way to me too, and to tell you the truth, I am not sure why I have to figure it out again. But, looking on the bright side, at least I am figuring it out again just a month later, rather than a year later, or five years later. Before long these things will just be a part of me, and I won't have to keep forgetting and re-figuring things out.
So what is my answer to what you should do when things don't seem to be going your way? Trust God, be full of hope and gratitude, and choose to really live each moment of your life--that is my solution. Feel free to find a better one, if you can.
P.S. I have my January "get fit" results. I will post them in another day or two.
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