September report and where to go from here

Well, those September numbers were very telling. Here are the results:

Weight: 157 lbs.
Waist: 38.25"

So my weight was up but my waist measurement was down? What's up with that? Here's what I think. I still am not eating very well--in fact, the harder I try to stick to my meal plan, the worse I seem to do. Lots of emotional blocks there obviously. At the same time, however, I did start doing more weight training during the month of September, so that must certainly account for some of the counter-intuitive results. After all, muscle does weigh more than fat.

And now, where do I go from here? I'll tell you where I've been. Up through the first week of October I was exercising pretty consistently, and my eating was not great, but not too terrible either. Then, the second week, I stopped working out for the most part (I managed to get in a few 12-minute runs through most of the week, but nothing else) and my eating escalated--or rather tanked--to very terrible (still no sugar though, so I give myself credit for that). It was just a really, really bad week. I had no motivation to do anything, and I moped around all week feeling like I was never going to make any progress and I would never realize any of my dreams because they were just too out of reach, wah, wah, wah! I was in really bad shape. Now I have pulled myself back into the world of the optimistic and hopeful, and here is what I have learned:

• I did not read or study the scriptures one single day during the dark week; this week I have practiced daily, focused scripture study;
• I did not do any EFT during the dark week; this week I have practiced EFT on a daily basis;
• I ate a lot of nutrient-poor, processed food during the dark week, and lots of sweets and junk food (my no sugar, no hydrogenated oil, no artificial sweeteners, etc. type of junk food); since Monday I have partaken of no processed food and no sweets, other than a glass of chocolate almond milk on occasion;
• I ate lots of meat during the dark week; On Sunday I decided that I am going to transition to a vegetarian, whole foods diet (I'll still eat eggs, yogurt, and fish);
• I did little to no exercise during the dark week; this week I have gotten back into a regular, vigorous exercise routine;
• I allowed myself to wallow in discouragement and self-pity during the dark week; this week I have kept my thoughts positive, hopeful, and filled with gratitude.

I'll tell you, if you are ever feeling depressed, discouraged, or just in a rut, try changing a few of these things that I changed and I guarantee you will see a huge difference in the way you feel and your outlook on life. I'm excited to see where they take me from here.

Just a note on the six months to a six-pack goal: As I find the end of the six months drawing closer and still see how far I have to go, I decided to change the program to sixteen months to a six-pack. The point of this is not so much to give myself another deadline, or to allow lack of discipline and cheating while still earning the rewards. Rather, the point is to encourage myself to continue moving forward, with less concern for how long it might take and more concern for doing it the way that is right for me. I feel really good about this. So I guess I'll be doing these monthly check-ins for a while yet. That's great--I love seeing progress!

Eating right. Check. Exercising regularly. Check. Believing in myself. Hmmm . . .

Okay, so over the last year I have significantly improved my nutrition (e.g. no sugar, green smoothies every day, little meat, lots of beans and whole grains, etc.) and I have seriously increased my exercise volume. Although my workouts have been very sporadic, they still add up to more than the previous three years' workouts combined. In the last 3 1/2 weeks, however, my eating has been beyond healthy, and my workouts have been high quantity and high quality. And yet, even with all this, I still am at pretty close to the same weight I was at nine months ago. So what is the problem???? Seriously, the frustration and anger at my body this morning were overwhelming. Why can't I seem to drop this weight, even when I feel like I am doing everything right? Has anyone else experienced this?

Well, I'm guessing there are others out there with similar stories. I know I could conjecture that it has to do with my portion sizes, or eating too often, or eating not often enough, or eating at the wrong times of the day, or my ratio of carbs to protein to fat, or the toxins that my fat cells are holding onto and they just don't want to let them go because that would dump all this toxic waste (literally) into my body so they are holding on for dear life, or a million other things. But to tell you the truth, I have been down most of these roads, and I am still sitting here in the same 150-pound-plus body that I had nine months ago. Want to know what I really think? Well, I'm going to tell you because this is my blog and I can do what I want on my blog. (o; I really think this is a problem of limiting subconscious beliefs and energy blocks. I know this may sound kind of voo doo to many people, but I really believe it. I recently listened to an interview with an energy therapist, Carol Look, and she said that it is impossible to get thin if you feel fat. How I feel about my body and how I feel inside are what are dictating my weight and my level of fitness. I feel like a fat, unattractive woman, so that is exactly what my body is manifesting. Subconsciously I have some serious limiting beliefs about being fit and lean (one example being that it just doesn't feel safe to be lean and fit . . . and attractive to men . . . because men are unsafe) so of course my body wants to hold onto this weight because subconsciously that is exactly what I have been telling it to do. My body is responding to my subconscious programming, and it will continue to do so until I change that programming.

So, how do I change the programming? There are lots of different ways, but I am going with EFT (emotional freedom technique, aka tapping) for right now. This morning I did A LOT of tapping about these issues and frustrations I am having with my body, and it was a very emotional experience. At the end, however, I felt at peace, and I felt like I could love and appreciate my body just as it is, and I felt that I could forgive my body for not doing what I [consciously] wanted it to. I know it is doing the best it can.

The results of this EFT??? Short-term: peace and acceptance and charity. Long-term: time will tell.